Week 0 or, how much can you handle?

Wow.

If you haven’t read the “About” section, you need to know one thing for now.  This blog is not for my dog, this blog is for me.  It’s *about* my dog, but *for* me.  One week ago, I was happily at home with my two dogs (Otto and Dieter), doing our normal Sunday night thing — barking at whatever they think they see outside (in the case of the dogs), and watching The Walking Dead (in the case of the human).  Dieter had been limping for a couple of weeks, but he plays rough with Dozer, his step-brother, and so I thought it was just some random strain/sprain.  He always comes home from visits to the BF’s house with random little scars or scrapes from carousing.

I thought it best, though, to take him into the vet, just to see what was up.  Two weeks seemed like a long time to limp.  That’s when it all started.  So fast.  Too fast.  Tuesday at the vet, range of motion tests, x-rays, valley fever titer started (we live in AZ).  Wednesday nothing.  Thursday, valley fever titer negative, hip x-rays, chest x-rays, phone consults with a radiologist, oncologist, and a surgeon, large-gauge needle aspiration, dates for in-person consults scheduled, surgery scheduled and holy cow all the stuff that had to be considered, decided, done, bought, installed, fitted.  It all came crashing down, hard.  When Friday came around and the biopsy results revealed osteosarcoma, it was old news; I was already three steps ahead of that game.

I’m a pretty tough cookie.  I’ve been around the block a time or two.  I’m very good in a crisis; very focused, decisive, able to take in and process a lot of information quickly and deal with it effectively.  I’m comfortable making tough decisions.  Unlike a lot of others facing my situation, the decision to amputate was easy.  Cut off the source of the cancer, alleviate the pain, improve his quality of life.  A painful decision, a tough decision, but an easy call to make.

Of course Dieter is just dealing with it on a moment by moment basis, and he’s fine.  Especially since he scored the hat trick of pain meds – rimadyl, tramadol and gabapentin.  He’s already sitting, standing and placing most of his weight while in motion on his good leg.  He uses only his good leg to get up and down off the couch (which he’s only done once or twice in the last week; he’s feeling it).  If there is something particularly interesting outside, he’s trotting on three legs.

But that’s not how people work, and as a community it’s important for us to understand that the process of arriving at a diagnosis of osteosarcoma and the subsequent treatment can happen VERY fast.  Especially if you are not in an area where valley fever is a problem and your vet team can come to the sarcoma conclusion faster.  That’s why this blog is *about* my dog, but *for* me.  It’s the only way I can think of to process all that has happened in such a short period of time.

The good news?  Clarity.  All of us have a lot going on in our lives.  I’m a PhD student; I’m on the job market, in the middle of my dissertation as well as other research projects, teaching a class and in a long-distance relationship.  But I’ll tell you what, this week, I got a huge dose of clarity, and I am immensely grateful.  More on that later…